Heroin Support Blog

Our goal here is to provide our readers with the latest information about the signs substance abuse disorder, support groups, treatment options, life in recovery, prevention & advocacy in our communities, and how to deal with the grief of a lost loved one. If you have ideas or suggestions that you wish to share with us here please use our "Contact Us" page at the very bottom of this page to email us. You can click on our Memorial Map to add your loved ones tribute to the map and then a few days later we will add them to our memorial blog.

Poem - My Living Nightmare

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"I wrote this poem when I was locked up. Please do not steal it. I take great pride in my writing but don't share much of it. It is my outlet, one I don't use often enough. Please share the poem all you want but with me Brandon Tyler Bray as the Author. Thank you hope you like it"

My Living Nightmare

I dread waking up
But I force a smile
I try to give a F***
Though I haven't for awhile
All emotion stuck inside
Heart burning as it piles
No one to confide
Worries tuck away like files
Drugs take away the pain
Yet my problems now grow worse
Without them I don't feel the same
My only stop is in a hearse
I hate who I've become
On the inside I scream
I feel the drugs have won
Reality is now my worst dream
From everyone I am shunned
It's all exactly how it seems
No more retirement fund
This is no longer me
Everyday the same goal
No matter what the cost
Even down to my very soul
I've never been so lost
Scared of the sickness
Always feeling hopeless
Lost in the thickness
Of never being dopeless.

-Brandon Tyler Bray

We wanted to share a poem someone sent us here.  Feel free to message us on Facebook or email us at the bottom of our website here if you have something you wish to share.

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You Say You Don't Believe in Hell? Just Look an Addict in the Eye.

EyeOfAnAddict

You say you don't believe in hell? Just look an addict in the eye, You'll think I'm safely at a friends- while I'm in some dirty bathroom getting high. I've always had high morals; Standards stacked against the sky, You sit watching as things disappear, but are too scared to ask me “why.” I stand there, right in front of you, so frail with bones so gaunt, You still don't know the lengths I'll take, for that one thing I so badly want.

Its getting harder to catch my breath, I'm drowning slowly in my soul, Spiraling. Swerving. Plummeting. I have completely lost control. Sputtering. Stuttering. Breath wreaking of decay- When will you finally hear the words that have been so hard for me to say!?! Perpetual exhaustion: I am awake yet sound asleep, A jaded narcoleptic- why am I always the blackest sheep? Scabs form on my skin- oozing thickly, with gangrenous decomposition, Isn't that offensive smell starting to throw up some suspicion? You've found me strung out on the floor, more times than you can even count. Eyes pinned. Drooling. Slurring. Another night for which I can't account.

I always seem to have the flu, you think my immunities have gone to hell, But how quickly you see me turn around once my body gets that hit. I have always had that mindset- to never live with much regret, Not even though I'm bankrupt- and to so many emotions, I'm in debt. I've lost all of my possessions- years of hard work right down the drain- I'll always curse the day I made the choice to stick that fucking needle in my vein.

- Ashleigh Campora

 

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No Hell Like Watching Heroin Change Somebody Into Somebody You Don't Even Know

HeroinHellWeb

There is no hell quite like the hell of watching HEROIN change somebody you love into somebody you don't even know.  How many of you have lived through the hell of watching the disease of addiction destroy an addict's life and the lives of those around them?  I am sure most of our readers have been down this road of hell with your addict as they fought or continue to fight this disease that has totally consumed their mental and physical health and also that of those around them.  

I talk daily to family members, friends and addicts themselves who struggle with how to but this monster called addiction in its grave.  It's a living hell for the addict 24/7 just like it is for those of us who sit and watch their struggle and wonder how we can pull our loved ones from the depths of this hell.  Addicts become zombies who look to feed their evil craving of addiction regardless of how or who it affects.  These zombies aren't like the evil ones portrayed in movies but they are our loved ones who are suffering from the consequences of a bad choice to try heroin for what ever reason.  

These reasons range from maybe a friend introducing them to heroin after school or maybe they became addicted to the painkillers they took for an injury and couldn't afford them any longer so then heroin stepped into their life and said "I am cheap, so give me a shot".  The list of possibilites of why someone became hooked on heroin goes on and on.  I have heard many of them but the one thing I don't recall hearing from anyone is that the addict wants this disease of addiction in their life.  Have you ever heard someone growing up and say that they want to be an addict for a living?

The stigma of addiction has also made the life of an addict and those around them worse.  Think about it.  If you were addicted to heroin and people constantly referred to you an a "junkie" or "loser" or maybe a "dopefien" would you be inclined to seek help for your addiction or would you be shamed by the stigma and continue to run instead of seeking help?  Remember these are addicts we are talking about and their mental thought process is severely affected by their addiction. For these addicts to be badgered, belittled and exiled because of our social values we uphold because of the senseless stigma that comes from people who don't fully understand what addiction means is a true crime right here in America and addiction continues to sweep under the rug.

So I ask you.  Do you understand the true meaning of addiction?  Will you look at an addict differently after reading our thoughts in this article?  Are you ready to "Take a Stand Against the Stigma of Addiction"?

- Heroin Support Inc

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What Life Is Like When You're In Love With A Heroin Addict

    LoveAnAddict

    To fall in love with a person after you've been hurt multiple times is a pretty hard task as is. You will always have the fear of being hurt all over again and your trust won't fully be there. But to fall in love with somebody who later on becomes addicted to heroin seems to be at the top of my list of fears. Although I am living through this fear now and am at battle with it almost every day.

    fear many things when it comes to this evil drug that is killing many. Every day I see on the news or on Facebook that another loved one has overdosed and died. But what I also see is the attacks people are sending towards this brand new angel that was captivated by heroin. "He deserved to die." "Good one less drug addict off the streets."

    I guess it all started for me last year. I met this absolutely amazing guy with so much ambition, love, and fun put into him. I loved everything about him. And when I found out I was carrying his child, I loved him even more. I still do. It wasn't until he was coming home with pin point pupils, itching himself, and hardly sleeping at night that I realized he had a problem. And for all I knew, after growing up around opiate users, I figured it was just Percocet that he was high on. I shrugged it off until the night I became scared of waking up next to somebody cold and lifeless.

    I was sleeping and woke to a sound of him sort of choking out his last breath. It was the noise you hear when somebody does a whip it, and loses oxygen to the brain. Usually, in those times, I see people pound their fist on the person's heart reviving them. So I yelled his name and did exactly that. Nothing had happened. Once a person overdoses I can tell you, it is one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. Being inexperienced and not knowing what to do while the love of your life and father of your child is lying there struggling to live is horrifying. But he also looked as if he was in a peaceful state of mind, feeling warm and not wanting to wake up. It was truly terrifying. As I couldn't bring him back, he started turning blue. His lips were blue, and his face was grey. Just like my brother looked laying on a hospital bed. I also noticed his heart was beating very fast and he was sweating profusely. Cardiac arrest was soon to set in, I imagined.  After I couldn't do anything to help him, I got help from his father. He did chest compressions on him as I called 911. Soon he regained consciousness but fell back into a peaceful slumber shortly after. We finally got him fully up when the police showed up and he was confused as to why I was crying like I was and why there were police at our home. We then talked that night after he refused the hospital. Talking was the only thing I could do to make sure he wouldn't fall asleep. He promised not to do it again.

    Now promises go a long way when you actually keep them. But we live in a world where the word promise is simply just a word. He stayed clean for quite a bit. I thought the worst of it was over. Until he came home high, a couple more times. And then a countless amount after that. Soon he overdosed again. We were able to get him back a second time.

    To love a person with a heroin addiction is the constant fear that one day you're going to wake up next to them, just to find out you have made it but they did not. You live in constant fear that whenever they make a noise, you shake them just to find out it was a snoring and not another OD. When they don't answer your texts or calls you fear they have overdosed in their car or in their bed while you're at work. You fear you won't be with them the next time this happens, and you won't be able to help them. You fear your son or daughter will have to grow up hardly knowing their father, and that kills you and puts a knot in your heart more than anything. You fear if you chose the alternative and leave that you can't help this person when it happens again.

    You check their skin in the morning when you wake up, you feel their face and make sure it's warm. You check their chest and see if it's moving whether you have to stay up all night or when you wake up that morning. It doesn't matter how many times you tell a heroin addict you're going to leave, and it doesn't matter if you leave. This drug is so evil they will continue to do it until they say it's time to stop, and by that time it could be too late. People ask me all the time why don't I just leave? Why don't you leave and find somebody new? Simply because if this was me and I was struggling, would you give up on me?

    Now to be honest with you, If I could see the future when I met him a year ago, I would have looked the other way and wouldn't have even acknowledged him. This may sound selfish, but to live in constant fear every day is something I wouldn't want anybody to ever have to do. Now don't get me wrong. I am so happy to be starting my life with such a loving, caring, ambitious guy despite the addiction. I am head over heels in love with him. He goes above and beyond for me. He doesn't hurt me physically and the only way he hurts me emotionally is lying. I am glad I did not turn the other way though because I would have missed out on an amazing 9 months with somebody that I love so much. I'd also miss out on forever with him and our daughter.

    He is going to be a great father and husband regardless of this disease. Because that's all it is, a disease. A disease that can't and won't stick around forever


    by NICOLE DESHAIES

    Shared from the the orginal post

     

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The Price of Addiction: So Much More Than Dollars and Cents.

MattKlosowski

37-year old Matthew Klosowski died from a prescription drug overdose

In every conversation I've ever had regarding the disease of addiction somehow the topic always found its way back to the cost. We've all heard the horror stories of how pricy these resort style rehabs are. I can only imagine the dollars spent on advertising. The glossy photos that would appear on my computer screen looking like something I would book if I was searching for a romantic get away with my husband. The beaches, the palm trees and the pools all waiting for the arrival of our addicted sons and daughters. All promising they were the best. They had the best, they provided the best and so on and so on. I would scroll through and think damn, I should start taking drugs just so I could attend one of these fabulous places in the sun.

I closed my eyes and had this flash back from my early nursing days. Working as the charge nurse on the floor of a popular nursing home. The pamphlets show all the beauty. The common rooms and the gardens, all looking like something advertising luxury living. Hiding the smell of urine. The people strapped into Geri chairs, drool running down their shirts. Left to their own devices. The horror that lay behind those beautiful rooms for only the staff to see. How can the owners of those homes deceive the public and charge exorbitant amounts of money for such inadequate care.  Could another industry be as deceptive in their marketing of providing safe, effective care in a beautiful setting and continue to stay in business. I'm afraid they can.

I've lived the experience that so many other parents share. We had faith in the recovery system. We believed the brochures and those caring people that lead us to trust that our child's recovery was utmost on their mind. They tell us they care and will do everything in their power to ensure our addicts are kept safe and sound. They give us a false sense of security allowing us to take that breath and feel we are sending our addict to the best place possible. 

Then they hit us with the price tag for this most amazing care. As parents we are emotional wrecks. We will do anything and pay anything to have the nightmare that our child's addiction has inflicted into our life's come to a end. So we drain our savings, deplete our retirement accounts and remortgage our homes because we are desperate to believe these so called addiction professionals hold the keys to a world that will save our children.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, addiction is characterized by intense, uncontrollable drug craving. So why do these so called experts allow our kids freedom to leave the grounds and explore these new surroundings unsupervised. Matt had been accepted into a rehab in Florida, after I came up with three thousand dollars. Imagine my surprise when the phone rang at ten p.m. and it was Matt. Hi Mom, I'm walking to the beach. You're what? Yeah I'm just checking out the beach. Seriously, you are unsupervised on your second night in rehab and you're out and about? So now that familiar feeling of anxiety bursts through the false security I'd been fed by the owners that were more than happy to cash my check and allow my son more freedom than he ever had at home.

Unfortunately this seems to be a common practice. Another mother also bought into the promise of a safe place for her heroin using daughter. After spending eight thousand for a months stay at a luxury rehab, she received the same shocking phone call. Hi Mom, I'm at the gym. You mean the gym in the rehab, no mom I'm allowed to go to the gym, pharmacy and grocery store. My question is, just what services are we getting for our thousands of dollars. Why are addicts permitted freedom when the research shows that being drug free for a few days is not a cure. Addicts require long term care in a safe, drug free environment to have the chance of achieving the goal of sobriety.

If the research is available for parents to find and read why aren't these professionals educated in the basic fundamentals of caring for newly sober addicts. Why do their programs allow the freedom to enable our kids to return to the only way of life they know. It's no surprise that both our kids relapsed. It's no surprise that both these rehabs in Florida offered their help again after we spent a few more thousand dollars for a higher level of care. So in reality all we got for our money were random urine drug tests and broken promises. Our kids were set up to fail by a system that says one thing but does another. Placing three addicts at varying levels of sobriety in a cramped apartment. No formal counseling or one on one sessions as promised.

What are parents supposed to do. We are thousands of miles away from our kids. We trusted a system and the self proclaimed professionals responsible for overseeing their treatment and we were failed. These rehabs throw addicts out into the streets if they are caught using. I get the fact that the using addicts must be removed from the general population. I get the fact that rules were broken. What I have a hard time with is for the thousands of dollars they take in monthly why is there no back up plan for relapse.

As noted by the NIDA, the chronic nature of addiction means that relapsing is not only possible but likely. So again my question is why don't these professed addiction professionals expect and know how to safely respond to a relapse. The streets are not the answer. According to a report in Prescription Drug Abuse, Florida has the 11th highest drug overdose mortality rate in the United States. Yet these rehabs continue to advertise and give parents like me false hope that they will give our addicts the best shot at recovery.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new. The lawmakers in Florida had knowledge that both rehabs and sober houses have been kicking addicts to the curb for years. They have chosen to turn their backs on this unacceptable practice until recently. Florida Association of Recovery Residences also know as FARR has stepped up. It's goal is to regulate this broken industry. To get rid of the vultures that rob us of our money and our children. Sadly, because of Florida Homestead laws most of these unscrupulous sober living home owners will continue their practice of making a living off of and then throwing our kids away like the disposable income they are thought to be. Florida law will not allow the regulation to become mandatory. I really don't think any of these places will step up and allow regulations to rob them of easy money.

While these regulatory bodies are well intentioned and might have the potential to start a change toward the treatment of addiction, it's too little too late for many parents like me. Matt died of an overdose in a Florida motel after being kicked out of his sober living house by the owner. Many briefly sober addicts are back at it, except now they are using on the streets of Florida where they were dumped by those recovery professionals that cashed checks, told lies and took advantage of parents desperately seeking help for their addicts.

Two industries preying on a population that can't defend itself against abuse. The shiny brochures all hiding the ugliness of reality. Families spending thousands of dollars believing their loved ones are being looked after by professionals who care. I don't know about you but I smell a rat!

Marybeth Cichocki 

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